i’ve been feeling really unproductive lately. yeah, i get up and go to work and hope that i make some sort of difference in the community that way. but i don’t feel like that is my calling. there is always this gentle nagging inside that pushes me forward. it makes me feel like i’m not actually living. i can’t fathom how people are okay with going to work every day just to come home and watch television. there are so many days i’ve considered wasted. i just want to stop wasting time. who knows where this ticking timebomb anxiety comes from but i’m glad it’s there. a ticking in the pit of my stomach, making me feel nauseous if i waste my time. my biggest problem in this situation is that i’m not quite sure what to do. music has really always been my answer. currently i’m working on a new project with someone and it’s coming along slowly but surely. i think i need to redouble my efforts and focus. a jack of all trades, master of none; i spread myself too thin and nothing gets done!